Some readers responding to our informal survey for Block Talk said they have been surprised when members of their community Facebook groups ruin the experience for others with conspiracy theories and comments that politicize innocuous statements. (Shutterstock/Inside Creative House),
ACROSS AMERICA — Theresa keeps things civil as the administrator of her community’s Facebook group page. She doesn’t try to muzzle people as long as they follow the established etiquette of the page.
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In many neighborhoods, a community Facebook or other social media page is a space to talk about what’s going on, report suspicious activity or get recommendations for contractors and services. At the same time, these digital forums can go off the rails quickly in a hot second, treaders told us in an informal survey for Block Talk, Patch’s exclusive neighborhood etiquette column. We asked: At what point does a post or comment cross the line into toxic behavior?
“Bullying and harassment is forbidden, and members are suspended for this conduct,” said Theresa, a Perkiomen Valley (Pennsylvania) Patch reader,. “Obscenity is also prohibited, and those posts or comments are removed. As long as people can discuss a topic without being offensive, I allow the comments to continue.”
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Levittown (Pennsylvania) Patch reader Pat longs for a person like Theresa to monitor comments on the community’s Facebook page. Too many posts cross the line with bullying, harassment and name-calling, Pat said.
Pat likes the page because useful information is shared, but said “the worst thing is that no one is monitoring the bad behaviors.”
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Woodbury (Minnesota) Patch reader Junie said too many people feel emboldened to say things on social media that they wouldn’t say to a person’s face.
“It doesn’t matter if someone posts something completely innocuous, the posts will always devolve into lawlessness,” Junie said. “There will always be one person who determines their contrary opinion is the only one that matters.
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“Found a lost dog? There will be 20 congratulatory messages followed by someone calling out the person for not installing a 15-foot-tall solid steel fence in their backyard so that their dog doesn’t escape,” June said, noting that her NextDoor group is “just as bad, if not worse” than Facebook.
Also, she said, “After seeing post after post like this, why would I want to be neighborly with people in my community?”
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‘Just Scroll On Past’
Ginger, who reads Jacksonville (Florida) Patch, said she’s sometimes surprised by “how nasty some people get because they can hide behind a street.”
Ginger sees personal attacks on members of the community and members of the homeowners association board on her community page. Although not everyone abides, posts and comments should “remain respectful even when expressing an alternative viewpoint.”
“Be courteous and if you can’t be, just scroll on past,” said Toms River (New Jersey) Patch reader Anne. “Bullying or attacking a person with name-calling is a big fat no.”
“If you don’t have something nice to say, say nothing at all,” said Keith, who reads Doylestown Patch and Warminster Patch, both in Pennsylvania.
People who use profanity in their posts and comments cross the line of good etiquette, said Ann, who reads New Brunswick Patch and Barnegat-Manahawkin Patch, both in New Jersey.
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When posts and comments violate the established standards for discussion, “message the group administrator and describe the nature of the offense,” said Across America Patch reader Hal. “You can also make a complaint directly to Facebook.”
Just make sure the offense is real and not imagined before making a fuss, said Karen, who reads Northport Patch and Huntington Patch, both in New York.
“Crossing the line is when someone accuses you of false intent,” Karen said.
“It seems to me I was dropped without an alert or telling me why,” agreed Patch reader Colleen. “Sometimes I feel the people who control that just disagree with you.”
‘Blowhards Are Just Pontificating’
Tom, a Milford (Massachusetts) Patch reader, is fed up with political divisions aired on his community Facebook page, where he said there is too much name-calling and “making everything political or racial or disparaging to immigrants.”
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Elizabeth, who reads the Arlington (Virginia) Patch and several North Jersey Patch sites, said proper online etiquette includes refraining from name-calling or singling out one demographic for abuse be it based on age, gender, race, ethnicity, religion or sexual identity.
“Watch how women are targeted online, demeaned and unacknowledged for intelligent comments,” Elizabeth said. “Men diminish or just ignore women’s wisdom most, but women also do it to other women.”
Also, she said, people posting should do research and fact-checking before posting sweeping claims, and should always cite the source.
“Otherwise, blowhards are just pontificating their own self-proclaimed (hollow) brilliance,” Elizabeth said.
Even with diligent oversight by an administrator, “trolls manage to get in,” Elizabeth said.
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Conspiracy theories that circulate online and make it to the community page irk Peggy, who reads Doylestown Patch and Narragansett-South Kingstown Patch, another Pennsylvania Patch local news site.
“I stopped being a member when one woman consistently posted photos of plane vapor trails because she thought it was the government trying to kill us,” she said.
‘It Unites Us In Shared Memories’
The bad and the ugly aside, several readers saw the good in community Facebook pages and said they enjoy chatting with their neighbors about things that are going on around the neighborhood. At their best, these forums are a virtual block party.
Ann, the New Brunswick Patch and Barnegat-Manahawkin Patch reader who wants people to clean up their language when commenting, said members of her community page relay important information about crimes police may not have publicly disclosed, “leaving the community to think they are safe when they are not.”
Regarding a current situation in her town, a New Jersey Patch reader said the open forum on the community Facebook page “allows citizens to make others ware of the corruption” in local government.
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Hal, the Across America Patch reader, likes the back-and-forth exchange that helps him take his community’s pulse on local issues.
“The best is, it builds community,” Brick (New Jersey) Patch reader Victoria said. “The worst is, it stirs the negativity pot.”
“The best part is making new friends,” said Karen, the Northport Patch and Huntington Patch reader.
Theresa, the Perkiomen Valley Patch reader who is an administrator her community’s page, tires of people “using it as a classified ad.”
“But,” she said, “the best thing about my community Facebook group is the way it unites us in shared memories.”
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About Block Talk
Block Talk is an exclusive Patch series on neighborhood etiquette — and readers provide the answers. If you have a topic you’d like for us to consider, email [email protected] with “Block Talk” as the subject line.
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